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passionate_sinner
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Name: Andrew
Country: United States
State: Texas
Birthday: 4/4/1985
Gender: Male
Interests: FOOD, love, life, christianity, well christianity is more of a lifestyle then an interest, guitar, music, drawing, movies, handstands (new one), fun with ramen, being clean, gymnastic stuff as of late, saving money, passing class, tattoos, dreadlocks, puzzles, friends!, duct tape, learning, being interested, always finding out what else is awesome, singing, decorating, talking, not wasting time...anymore, keeping financial aid, xanga, Writing....Hey check this out!
www.xanga.com/writingstuff
it's where all of my writings will be
that's it
Expertise: I decided to put links to songs lyrics/poems/random writing stuff on here
www.xanga.com/writingstuff
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  JLU172003
Member Since:
4/5/2004
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| I've been pretty crappy lately. It's been a general apathy and a non desire to live in the ways I've been living.
Been
thinking about the differences in my modern political theory class
between Hobbes, Locke, and Rousseau. Lately it's been about Rousseau
who begins the reading we've been on by saying, "Man is born free, and
everywhere he is in chains." The concept of the state of nature for
Hobbes was that man is born completely self centered and
self-destructive and so we need a sovereign set up in order to keep us
in line so we don't eradicate ourselves or each other. Locke says that
man is born free and that the government is set up to create checks and
balances to keep the corruption of men at bay. Rousseau says that we
need to have a system that perpetuates the freedom of men through an
interconnected web of putting others above ourselves. In other words
Hobbes and Locke said that government was to prevent man's nature from
screwing things up, and Rousseau says that everyone is in essence their
own sovereign and in need of remaining so by the support of others and
their own selves (but not for themselves primarily) and this is along
the lines of the Stoics. All of them thought themselves Christian, and
Rousseau saw Jesus as Hellenistic and Stoic in this sense. Rousseau's
idea was essentially for there to be family communities that all work
for each other to get only what they need and not to horde wealth and
perhaps to live as nomads of a sort like the Native Americans did (to
some extent). Instead of beginning with one's own well-fare and then
working outwards into the lives of others (which gives us plenty of
time to put off ever caring for others) Rousseau says we should just
care for others and by doing so we will be cared for. Rousseau's idea
is to not change the government so much but to change the hearts of the
people so that they are devoid of their own selfish desires and become
truly altruistic.
Well, I see where these guys are coming from,
and I've tried all of them in the passage of my life (because all of
them began on a small scale and then were extrapolated to a larger one
just like most or all philosophies). I think that if you always give
yourself away to others and they always give themselves to you this
only will go so far as what you began with in yourself, and they in
themselves (if you are filled with humanity like Humanism you only have
humanity as fuel). I don't find this to be a plausible way to live out
our lives however close to the ideal it may be (since if you always
give of yourself you'll be drained and even if others give of
themselves you are filled it only goes as far as the source material
that you begin with, and it would only be infinitely perpetuated if the
source were infinite). I was thinking about the Shema (hearing) to
Jisrael (those who wrestle with God) and there is the same formula if
you take the love your neighbor as yourself part and ignore the rest,
because to love your neighbor as yourself is to love them before you
love yourself (though if that's all you take you'd never know this was
specified). I think that falls through because we don't really know how
to love ourselves, and the reason we don't know how to love ourselves
is because we don't really know what it is to love the Lord our God
with our spirits, souls, and the fullness of all of our expressions of
those.
Rousseau had the idea that he wanted to be cared for
indefinitely, but at the same time not a slave to the one who was
providing for him. I would agree with this entirely, but the way in
which this fundamental problem is to be addressed I think is a bit off.
The answers to life cannot be found in governments, but they also
cannot be found in ourselves, and though I think he had a really good
shot at it I don't think that they can be found in others either
because wouldn't the whole way of cleansing that we might concoct be
just as corrupt, or at least partly corrupted by the systems that
perpetuated our own vices (his idea is that the systems do corrupt us,
and not that we are born corrupt, mind you)?
I looked for others
to be uplifted and to be strengthened and tested and put through hard
questions and personal issues that needed to be answered. I went to my
friends in order to see if they would take some hard roads with me as
some have in the past, but it seems that they only wanted to draw me
into their worlds that they were convinced were founded, encourage me
to express myself more than I ever really have, want me to go with them
into distant lands and to foreign peoples so that we could just take
care of all of their deep hurts in short spans of time, or to just talk
about one another on a very surface level and never really probe into
the cores of each other's beings by going with all of it in every form
and every step before the throne of God.
I've concluded that the
way I once lived my life at the time I lived in my friend Cody's house
was the best way for me to live because at that time I would stop at
nothing until I found the truth of things no matter what barriers in my
own life, or wherever I found them I was faced with. I'm tired of
taking things in day in and day out but never getting anywhere but more
confused with this life that never has a solid answer that is more than
backed up with a, "because I said so", or a, "because that's just the
way it is", because I know there are answers to the many questions that
constantly plague my life and my mind. I have had an appearance of the
things that God speaks to us of about Himself, but I haven't had
anything lasting in quite some time. I don't want a fading faith, or
fading joy, or fading peace that's how people live their lives every
day. I'm tired of fighting to survive and trying to do all of the
things I've been doing on my own or by the help of others because no
one, not even myself, seems to know how, or be able to really help me
or themselves. Maybe I'm ready to just let God have me again and to
just follow Him wherever He takes me with my thoughts, my feet, my
emotions, and all the things I've been doing because it's not about
what I do (ever) but who He is and how close I am to Him in truth and
not merely as I imagine myself to be. I don't want to be a baby sitter,
I want to be a baby in the arms of God if I have to be because I'm sick
of standing up to Him as an "adult" and leaving everything hungry.
Also
people say that we are to delight in our tribulations, or to just let
things go, or to be content but that's bull crap. I don't need to
delight in my shortcomings, I need to recognize that they are that and
take whatever blow from that I need to and delight in God despite it. I
don't ever want to have enough of God even though I know I was born
with enough from this world in my mother. I'm just really tired and
sick and ready to throw the old mold away without trying to just fix it
up because it's clearly broken. All my glue is cracking anyway. I'm
content to be just a piece of God if I can have the peace of God again.
All my grades, all of what others believe about me, or think of me, or
decide that I am, and all that I see myself as in my body as something
attractive or wonderful, or whatever is absolutely worthless. The
wealthy, the ones who do the best in school, the most attractive, the
highest achievers, the most opportune speakers of wisdom, and all the
rest of what I've counted as success, and my parents have counted as
success, and my friends have, and my teachers, and all the rest of
everything like that I count as absolute bull crap because it doesn't
show me what's true, nor what is holy, and it definitely can't tell me
how to love another person because it doesn't even brim over with love
of it's own. Completely worthless, I'm starting over again.....all over
again...I need to be born again right, and each step is a denial of all
of this anyway so I know I need this. Maybe then I can really head
towards the ultimate society of altruism because I'll get all of my
altruism from the one who had no selfishness in Himself so He had to
form another because all of Him was then selfless and in that we
stabbed Him in the heart because He lets us choose ourselves over Him
just so that He can love us anyway and plead that we drop everything
and run into His arms. So, yeah.
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| The deepest truths are to be found in the most ordinary of lifes.
Consistency far surpasses greatness of any single attribute that burns
for a moment and then needs aid.
Unflinching
honesty to oneself and those around you will result in Love. In fact,
love, honest surveying of things, order, peace, and hope are all the
same thing when applied to relationships.
If you hold onto to
anything, good or bad it will leave you. If you let it go and it keeps
coming back you'll know it wasn't just wishful thinking. Brilliance
normally comes to everyone. I was once in the bad habbit of holding
onto it for the express purpose of telling others. That's a bad idea.
If you ever have nothing to say when you do this that means that there
really is nothing that needs to be said.
If anyone asks you to
do anything, unless it is a direct detrement to others around you, you
should do it; if you don't do it that violates the only law of love.
Love
is not temporary, ever. True love really does wait. No problem is
surface deep. Commitments are never for days relationally, they are for
years at the least.
You can talk everyone's ear off all day long
about the most amazing things, and they might hear you alright, but
unless you are always around you they will never really learn what you
wanted to show, and if they do they will only come to you when the
situations are dire and not because of who you are (that's wrong).
Since
life isn't meant to be lived alone that means we have to go find
others. If you just sit there (like a child lost in a super wal-mart)
no one who really needs you, or whom you need will ever come.
You
want people to talk you, hang out with them and find avenues of
relevance then just talk. It's also good to just talk about whatever
you are passionate about, or what they are.
If you're genuinely
interested in something you'll want it to become a part of your whole
life. I played video games for years (each one) and I played them until
I beat them, but the ones I played for years I still can hear about, or
look at with joy. It really has nothing to do with it being a game, but
that it was always there.
If you don't learn and express who you are you will die.
Give anyone much to learn at a time
and they will still only take a small amount with them unless your
teachings are the only ones they are exposed to.
On that note I won't give you too much so I'm gonna go read stuff and chill with the roomie. Word. | | |
| Is this the only outlet of my expressions, emotions, and the depth of my feelings? Good Lord I hope not.
So,
I know all about the meaning of life and about who God is and how to
know Him and what His plans for the earth and us in it is. I know about
the beauty of His kingdom and the influx of His glory and the splendor
of His coming. But, it doesn't matter what I know, or if I know a thing
if I don't apply it. You are supposed to know things in the wake of
things done. We always learn more in groups when we are comfortable in
them than on our own. The beasts of our burdens that hold fast onto our
souls and the world collapsing all around us are doomed and being
condemned even now. This life, and all that we know is so many things
that even if I were to accurately describe and ellucidate with the most
striking details and metaphorical bliss I'd never be able to really
know it unless I not only saw it, but lived it.
The endless
jesting with the subtle signs of love built in as if to say, "This
moment will fade and all we can speak of, in our words, and in the
stuff, but I will never let you go. No one will ever take you from me."
This from friends. This from husband to wife. This from stranger to
child. Children are so very frail and innocent, they are so trusting
and completely dependent for all they have. Kids are crazily the best
image I can seem to imagine of a perfect person. I can't help but
picture Jesus as a grown up kid who got picked on all the time, but who
had a good Father who taught Him how to be around the bullies and love
them even though they endlessly and mercilissly reviled Him.
Anyway.
There's so much to say when I go out and live a day of life with
friends. They bring so much to everything. They each have so much
leading up to the instant you commune with them and so much to teach
and learn. Essentially everyone, at their spirit, has a seed of
goodness planted in them by God that has been either suppressed or it
is growing in degrees. The whole point of life is to live it and to
give it to others. Relationships between those you are around and who
you can be around. Loving those who will let you get just close enough
to you to illuminate the entire universe in an instant so short no one
could ever capture it when one set of eyes unites with another and a
supernova obliterates the rest of the world. All the stress, the
worries, the burdens and hassles, the mystery and the insecurities, and
the distance all just fades away in that instant. If I could bottle
that and sell it so that when people drank it they'd create these dawns
of new creation through the vaccuous abyss of the monotonous chaos all
around us I'd give every ounce of blood I had, and every drop of my
soul for just one single person to just try it. If the whole day of
everything else did not fade away in them for that then I could die
knowing that my life was a big joke. But if for one moment, one
solitary second this is the fact of all facts then this eternal instant
that opens the portal to transcendence beyond everything like an H-bomb
on the horizon spreading (not a sea of radiation) an ocean of peace, I
would live with no tomorrow....no today, just that in every step.
Relationships,
yes. I want to know if going out and losing the constancy and
initiative that I have when I am simply in my own rights with my Maker
is the height or if the fellowship of that with others is my purpose in
this life....individually. I'll always have those moments of silence in
the spaces that separate the voices and beyond the silence, but is my
life to be one of solitude? I humbly doubt that it is. I don't know
what you'd call it, but I see into the souls around me and become who
they are and see through their eyes for the moments I'm around them
while being somewhat of who I am at the same time (it's hard to
describe...). I come away from movies and the whole movie universe is
alive all around me following me all the way to my bed and into my
dreams. Countless scenes of events with words that are mostly
meaningless race through my mind all in fractions of seconds and I see
universes rising and falling, and princes being taken up and beaten
down. The monsters always perish, and the damsel is constantly rescued
from the duress she can't avoid. I mean....should I just go on without
a firm grip on who I should be, on the constancy I should have or is
this sort of spongyness and mediation what I should retain at all times
as the corner stone of the eternities waxing and waning in the sea of
thoughtless empty fullness (none of my thoughts, but stuff there all
the time...if that makes sense).
I dunno....I dunno....but I
feel like a kid again. I feel like this is the day I've been awaiting
but I know not who told me to wait, or from where the voice arose from.
It's like everything cried out, but ever so softly. I now know what to
guard. I now know where to draw lines, but I don't know all of the
places well enough to draw them in every place. I need light in those
spots. Nothing is so far away, nothing is so evil anymore...it's all
beautiful, the day is won it's time to live in victory and evil fizzles
out.
I never thought rock climbing, dropping off an antler chandeleer,
hanging out, watching a movie, eating, and just hanging out with 5 guys
the whole day would be the most awesome day I've had in a long
time. I never knew. Maybe I did, but I never thought the
most basic and simplest things, when done with other people who are all
living rightly (mostly, or even if not, whatever) would mean this
much.....I think my life changes every single day, and I love it.
I'm pumped about tomorrow.
Until next time I'm so compelled,
Andy | | |
| the new age, ethics, and everything
Ok, so I think the closest people who are still not quite on the money to what the truth is are the New Agers.
The
new age is trying to avoid ethics altogether, and, granted, while in
God that’s possible, the second you are among people it’s not. We have
to work within other people’s frameworks to bring them out of them.
Many of them only want to escape ethics to bring in that false thought
that it’s void from our actions with others and so we can do whatever
the hell we feel like. That kind of mentality is not a united one, but
a separate one. It is a very crafty demon, but a demon none the less.
(Demon = spiritual bend on reality that fuels separation between men
and God, them and themselves, them and others, and them and the
environment.)
Enter Quantum theory and relativity, exit
objective morality and social ethics. Enter Oneness theory, and exit
relatability with most people. Through our tapping into the Father we
know objective ways to be around others and in life. We don't get
objectivity (or shouldn't...some do) from what we make up or what we
read at any particular place (though reading things is nice
transcendent immanence is not in black and white on a slim slice of
tree that we call paper, or some ink on animal skin we call parchment,
but beyond those, though often we can know it through them. They must
always be mere road maps, but once you are there you don't,
technically, need the map anymore, though it's still good to have, and
might help you find your way around a little easier).
They are
like little vessels floating in the vast ocean, but they are set in
their ways of communicating what they've found that they are segregated
from the rest of the world. If they are right and everything is one and
the basic property of the universe is unity and that we are vibratory
emanations out of the "planck stuff" and the "ultimate abstractions"
and "spirit" then our greatest goal in life is to realize (make real)
that unity in our world. The problem is that they do this in some areas
but ignore others altogether. A very abstract concept of "love" is
advocated by them, but since they are stuck in the thinking that all
communication is inadequate they cannot relate to others and so
separate themselves from others while saying they are loving, or trying
to. That's hypocrasy. All communication may be inadequate when we are
refering to the Divine, the Father, but not when we are talking to
eachother, and especially not when we talk with eachother about things
emanated out from quanta.
They've identified the dirty bath
water, but they've taken the bucket with the baby in it and thrown both
out together while only holding onto the kid's hand, but that jerks the
child and causes serious head trauma! They say that unity is important
but fail to unify. If you want to reach a people with the truth about
their essential nature and the truth about Who God has us to Be (in Him
we are free and ourside of Him we are slaves to whatever we follow) you
meet people on their own terms and build up from there, you don't begin
on a "higher level", or, "deeper level" and bring people up. That's
prideful arrogance.
They do have alot to say that's very good,
I'm talking about their inability/ignorance/stubbornness to relate to
others in a way that the others actually understand what is going on.
It's been said that if you cannot explain your ideas in lay terms you
probably don't understand them yourself.
I'm not looking down on
them in condemnation, but it just makes me so very sad that they have
everything, or so it would appear, but they don't know how to give it
(but giving of what we have is everything. The teaching of what we have
gives us more of it and a fuller understanding of it). I suppose that
since they are trying to speak about it some will make progress in
communicative ability, but it's just sad that I see ones I've talked
to, and listened carefully to all say the same thing with the same
words and in the same somewhat pushy attitudes. It's like a kid who
figures out a problem his parents are trying to and then in arrogance
goes to them and says, "Hey, look at me, I found the answer! Chew on
that for a while." But the very fact that this is the attitude that is
had is proof (in many cases, if not most) that they are, if anything,
just babies in the arena of who God is. They are sucking all the milk
they can up, but they are spewing it all over everything and just
making a mess.
I'm not going to cry over spilt milk, but it
sucks that they won't listen to the reasons why they should swallow it,
digest it a little more and eat meat. You can only share digested meat
(that's all the figurative milk is really...), but you can only do this
if you are like the mother bird and those you talk to are like the
chicks. You'll get nowhere if they think they're mothers, you haven't
gotten enough to eat so your bile mixes in with the goods, or the
chicks think they are your mother. It's a big mess. I just look at that
and say with sadness, "Goobers....yall have been around for a long
time, but still haven't taken a;; of what you have in?". O well, what
can I do but love them and try to help them and learn from them? Maybe
I'll get a few good meals by way of birdie feedings :).
Ummmm...I like cake, it's tastey food and music.
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| Don't do anything for anyone else. Do everything just because it's the
right thing to do and needs to be done. If you always wait for other
people to instruct you, you will not get a whole lot done. If you
promise to do something you should do it, not because if you don't you
will let someone down, but because you said you would and you don't
need to be a liar. Honestly judge who you are and live accordingly. This doesn't mean you are free to do whatever you feel like doing, sometimes your feelings are wrong, but the right thing to do is always the same, all you have to do is find it. Do
not forget God because He reveals to you who you are and what is right
for you to do (once you know who you are, if you know your environment
and the Lord who made it you will know your place in it, so all you
have to do is to go there.
I've noticed that people look at me
defensively alot when I'm walking, or, well, anywhere. I see them doing
it not only to me but to pretty much everyone but their really good
friends and family. It's really sad. People are scared to let another
person into their world because they've been hurt in the past, are too
prideful to think they need to be accepting of others, or scared to
look beyond their own skin. Being pissed off at everyone only means you
have a problem with yourself and you like to take it out on other
people because if you ever try to on yourself you've learned it does
nothing but hurt, but then if you vent it onto other people you only
hurt them. I guess it's really more a cry for help than anything. It
can also be relieving to let the weight off your shoulders.
The
thing is, though that most people pick it back up. We're pretty good at
dropping things, but we aren't very good at refraining from getting
them in the first place. If you learn how to never pick things up that
you really have no buisness with you'll never get all huffy again. If
you always just let off what's built up it will always come back
because you only delt with the symptoms and not the cause of the
problem. Most of the time the cause is pride in not wanting to learn
how to solve it, and sometimes it's ignorance. Even in ignorance though
we are either to proud, or to afraid to ask for help, and that's the
real problem.
Another big problem is that if we do actually go
for help the ones we go to don't have a clue how to help us (though
most will say something though they don't know what they're talking
about just because they feel obliged to answer a question and not
commit a faux pas....which everyone assumes is the worst thing you can
do....but that's a false assumption), either that or we do not know how
to impliment their instructions into our actions and through our lives
or else we would be completely free. It definitely is the truth that
sets us free, if only we find it, and listen to it (seek, ask, and
knock, but you have to deny yourself, kill the false things, and follow
the truth to get anywhere). | | |
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